A Great Group of People

I owed Parkwest Medical Facility over $30,000 after my heart attack last February, but they wiped out all my debt there!  I will probably get one of those cancellation of debt things along about tax time next year, and I don't have a clue how I will ever be able to pay the taxes on it since I will probably be as poor and penniless as I am right now.

Feeling Down Tonight

Maybe I too proud, or maybe I am just crazy, but a friend really upset me yesterday.  I had recently moved from my daughter's house into a rent subsidized apartment, and my friend asked had asked me how I was doing while we were out together Saturday, and I had told her that I was struggling because things were costing me more then I  had thought that they would.  Then after the meeting yesterday she gave me a gift card with $50 in it.  I love her and her husband for the thoughtful gift, but it made me feel like one of the beggars in front of Pilot.  Maybe I would feel better if I could just get mad at her, or maybe I could even feel better if I could just get mad at Steve for leaving me so stinking broke the way that he did.  Instead I just get depressed for a bit, and then I try to pick myself up and remember my promise to him.  Steve knew that he was leaving me in a terrible shape with no way to even pay for his funeral, and on the way to the hospital almost the last time we spoke to each other he had tried to make me promise him that I would get married again so that someone would take care of me, but I just promised him that I would be alright.  It is just hard to be alright when my bills next month are more then my income.

Inch By Inch

It has now been a little over a year since my hubby Steve passed away on 5/5/12 from congestive heart failure.

I had to surrender the car last August and ride the bus for a few months.  I had been saving my money and looking for a car, but everything I found was a lot more then what I had been able to save, then my brother-in-law's niece suddenly decided that she wanted to sell her 1993 Honda Civic for the exact amount that I had accumulated.  Everything fell in place so perfectly that I think that it was one of God's plans for me to have this particular car.  My little pink Honda does not have air-conditioning which is going to make it hard on me this summer, but it does seem to be a fairly dependable car that will get me where I need to go.  It is loud and needs a muffler and a speedometer though.

Our house was also foreclosed on and sold at auction in February, but my daughter and son-in-law gave me a place to live in a downstairs apartment that they had fixed up for his mother before she developed such serious health problems that she had to be put in a nursing home.  I seem to have about everything I need down here now though sometimes I still miss my hubby and get the urge to drive back to the old house and visit him though I know of course that this is crazy because he is not there anymore.

My only concerns now are paying off an enormous load of debt.  We did not have any burial insurance in place when Steve died so I still owe for his final expenses, and I was not working and did not have any health insurance when I had a heart attack in February of this year which brought me even into more debt to Parkwest Medical Center.  They are a wonderful and caring medical facility and treated me just like I was somebody even though I did not have a nickel to my name.  I will be eternally grateful to them for all their kindness.   Such kindness deserves to be rewarded with payment though, and I feel bad that I just don't have it to give to them, and I also feel bad when I am just able to send the funeral home a small portion of what they wanted in payment each month also.  It is my goal to dig my way out from under this debt inch by inch.   If I live long enough and if my fingers hold out long enough then maybe someday I will.

My Husband Passed Away

I just wanted to let everyone know that my husband is not suffering from 4th stage lung cancer anymore. He passed away from congestive heart failure on 5/5/2012.

I told him that I would be okay when he was gone, but for the moment I can't see how I can keep that promise because there is so many bills that I can't pay and everything is in such a mess now.

I have tried to get in rent subsidized apartments, but there is such a waiting list that I will more then likely have to move in with one of my daughters when my house goes into foreclosure here soon.

I am trying to hang on to the car, but Wells Fargo is refusing to deal with me so that is kind of looking hopeless now also.

Just wanted to let everyone know how we were doing.

Looks Like Hubby's Cancer Has Started Growing Again!

It has ben a while since I last wrote anything on my blog and I am sorry. There has been a lot going on since the last time also.

Hubby lost his insurance when it went to over $800 a month where he used to work which would have been half of what he drew in retirement and Social Security. We still owe on the house and car so there was no way that we could keep carrying the insurance, and they would have been dropping us from the plan in four months anyway so it seemed useless to struggle to try and pay for it anymore.

We were able to get him help through the VA center though because he had been in the army from 1972 to 1974, and he does not have to pay anything to see the doctor, and his prescriptions are just $8.00.

I was not able to get any help with my medical care though until just a few days ago which cost us so much for my prescriptions and medical care that it looks like we may be itemizing next year. I know that I have spent $1100 just on prescriptions in the last three months. I was finally able to get help through the Cherokee Healthcare Clinic that is just a few minutes away from our house where I could be seen by the doctor and pay for my prescriptions on a sliding scale.

But then I procrastinate on why I decided to write on this blog at 2:00 AM instead of sleeping.

We took hubby in to Johnson City to have a Pet Scan, and his cancer doctor from there called me Friday saying that hubby's cancer had started growing again, and that he wanted him to go back on chemotherapy. At the moment hubby is saying no to taking chemo again that he would rather just get things over with though. I don't know if I can get him to change his mind, and I am not sure that I should argue with him at this point. I need to talk to someone much wiser then I am, and I plan to take care of this before going to sleep tonight.

I will try to write more later.

How Things Are Going Today!

I drove hubby to see his cancer Dr today to hear the results from last Friday's CT Scan. We had to wait almost an hour, and we were both pretty nervous because on his last visit with the Dr three months ago the CT Scan had shown a small glow on the left lung which meant a new cancer had appeared on the left side of his lung after it had appeared to stop growing on the right side.

The Dr finally came in to see hubby and whatever they had found on his CT Scan three months ago did not show up on this CT Scan. This scan was the same as the one from six month ago which was not showing any cancer growth.

We both took a big sigh of relief because Hubby had about decided that he did not want any more radiation or chemotherapy.

How is hubby doing today?

I did not realize that it had been so long since I updated this blog. When I left off I was going to see a cardilogist back in December.

The day I went to see the cardiologist he did another EKG and sent me straight over to the hospital. The next day he put in four stents to unblock one artery. Since that time I have lost 20 pounds, and I have been feeling okay, but I got a long way to go before I feel up to handling what is coming.

Hubby had another CT Scan a month ago which showed that he had a lot of fluid in his lungs, and his doctor recommended that he have the fluid drained off. Hubby had the procedure done, but his lung collasped during the process, and the next day the fluid came right back. Hubby says that he is not having it done again, but he is sounding horrible. He coughs from the time he gets up off the couch until he sits back down again.

I have given up on arguing with him because it is just a waste of my time. Even after all the treatments that he has gone through he is still puffing away on his cigarettes, and he is back up to smoking almost two packs each day again.

Hubby and I were talking this morning about one of my Mom's brothers who passed aways during the night of a massive heart attack, and hubby says that it was an easy way to go. So I turned to him and asked him do you think his wife Ella felt that way when she found him dead in the bed last night? I don't think so!