Feeling Down Tonight

Maybe I too proud, or maybe I am just crazy, but a friend really upset me yesterday.  I had recently moved from my daughter's house into a rent subsidized apartment, and my friend asked had asked me how I was doing while we were out together Saturday, and I had told her that I was struggling because things were costing me more then I  had thought that they would.  Then after the meeting yesterday she gave me a gift card with $50 in it.  I love her and her husband for the thoughtful gift, but it made me feel like one of the beggars in front of Pilot.  Maybe I would feel better if I could just get mad at her, or maybe I could even feel better if I could just get mad at Steve for leaving me so stinking broke the way that he did.  Instead I just get depressed for a bit, and then I try to pick myself up and remember my promise to him.  Steve knew that he was leaving me in a terrible shape with no way to even pay for his funeral, and on the way to the hospital almost the last time we spoke to each other he had tried to make me promise him that I would get married again so that someone would take care of me, but I just promised him that I would be alright.  It is just hard to be alright when my bills next month are more then my income.